Today

Today was a bad day.

I guess.

I was supposed to drive to the big city. Something I have done thousands upon thousands of time.

To see a doctor.

About having my tubes tied so that I can try yet another potentially deadly yet possibly life extending or life enhancing or life changing POISON.

But my body wouldn't let me go.

I got up.

I showered.

I felt like I was going to throw up.

I had an anxiety attack.

And then the diarrhea started.

And it didn't stop for two hours.

Even with Xanax.

And Lomotil.

So I gave up today.

I put my jammies back on.

And I turned my electric blanket on high.

And I went back to bed.

And four hours later, I feel better.

Physically.

The diarrhea has stopped.

For now.

I still feel nauseous.

I have never 'no called, no showed' for a doctor's appointment.

Never.

Until today.

Hopefully they'll forgive me.

Today, I really don't care.

Tomorrow, I might.