Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Doctor Whackjob and the Aliens


So today, I went to a dermatologist.

For no reason other than, well, I've met my deductible for the year (imagine THAT), and I may or may not have a few suspicious looking spots, seeing as how I have skin the color of a storm trooper, covered in freckles from head to toe.

So off I go.

To meet Dr. Whackjob and the Aliens.

If you've ever been to a dermatologist (I hadn't, and it would have been nice to have known this), you take off all your clothes, and put on a gown.

Very reminiscent of going to the OB/GYN, but whatever.

So Dr. Whackjob comes in.

Followed by his five aliens.

I call him Dr. Whackjob for the following reasons:

1). He spent wayyyyyy too much time admiring and commenting on my gorgeously fabulous red hair. Yeah, it's gorgeously, fabulous, but dude, COME on, ENOUGH ALREADY!

2). He had on a tie that looked like somebody's tee shirt from a Grateful Dead concert. Not very doctor-ish.

3). He started asking about my Crohn's and suggested the following: that the doctors give me pregnancy hormones to make my body think that it's pregnant. (Sometimes, if you have Crohn's and you get pregnant, your body goes into remission during the pregnancy, then usually comes back after you give birth. In my case, this happened both times, at almost exactly the same times).

Okay, so here I am naked, and the last thing I wanted to do was insult this doctor who I heard was the best dermatologist in my area, in case I had a melanoma on my leg the size of Texas, and was really going to need to be nice to him for a long time.

So I just shook my head and said, "Sure". But he wouldn't stop, he wanted me to write down on a piece of paper the name of this hormone (which now resides in the Lake County landfill), and suggest to my GI that he give it to me, to try to convince my body that it's pregnant, and maybe it would stop my Crohn's symptoms.

And he concluded with, "It's just an idea."



It's just an idea?

I have a clinically diagnosed complication of a disease that I share with 249 other human beings on the planet, and you want me to propose "just an idea" to these doctors who are so completely educated on this ONE disease that they might just have me Baker Acted (Google it) to the nearest mental institution on the suggestion that they PRETEND to impregnate me so that my Crohn's might subside in NINE MONTH INTERVALS?

Because a dermatologist with a Grateful Dead tie said "It's just an idea."?????????????




I'll get right on that.

Anyway, back to the aliens.

So you lay on this table, nekkid except for the 'gown', and Doctor Whackjob is wearing these like 3D glasses that light up and he is scanning my body from head to toe, and every now and then he shouts out to Alien #5 a word that sounds like "Milla", or "Keysucker" or "Kleptomaniac" and she types all this into the Alien computer, and then Aliens #1, 2, 3, and 4, follow Dr. Whackjob's lead, picking up one of my limbs, and shouting out the same words and the location in which those words were found, like, "Kleptomaniac, lower right eye".

Honest to God, I felt like I had been kidnapped by Aliens, and they were examining a human for maybe the 10th time, and were logging what they had found.

It was freaking WEIRD, and that's all I have to say about that.

Oh yeah.

The news?

Allegedly, I am a dermatologist's worst nightmare.

Apparently, I have beautiful skin, albeit quite freckled, but no signs of anything amiss whatsoever, even that kleptomaniac eye of mine.

And he never has to see me again, unless I or one of my 'normal' physicians detects something has appeared from out of the blue or has changed.

Praise God that I have no signs of skin cancer.

And most importantly, Praise God that I don't have to see Dr. Whackjob and the Aliens again.

Hopefully, never, ever again.



Thursday, October 15, 2009

Status Quo

Recent 'progress'? in a nutshell:

Had my regularly scheduled Remicade on 10/6.

Had my regularly scheduled allergic reaction to said Remicade exactly 1 hour and 10 minutes later.

Had my oh-so-wonderful-gift-from-God-Nurse by my side the whole time.

The reaction was a 2 out of 10.

I think this had a lot to do with the fact that I had been on steroids for a whole month prior, due to our attempt to obliterate my sinusitis, ear infection, bronchitis, and asthma that kicked up out of nowhere.

I was on two oral antibiotics, one antibiotic injection, and three rounds of prednisone.

I had exactly 3 weeks to get better before my next Remicade, and guess what?

We did it.

The 'team'.

We got me better enough to have the Remicade.

After the Remicade, I continued to 'react' for 72 more hours.

This is becoming my new normal.

So now, when I have a Remicade infusion, I can't just block out one day that week.

I have to block out three.

Or four.

Or however long it takes for my body to stop attempting to reject the medicine that actually makes me pretty 'normal' the rest of the times.

Oh yeah, and we added a hematologist to my repertoire.

You know, just because I didn't have one.


Considering that I have to have my blood drawn every quarter to test my liver function due to the Remicade, Dr. Primary (the sage Dr. Primary that he is), thought it might be a good idea to have a blood guy on board.

Fine by me!

So I go to see blood guy.

I like blood guy!

I can get blood drawn in blood guy's office, and get the results IMMEDIATELY!

Why haven't we thought of this BEFORE?????


So, after meeting Blood Guy, Blood Guy tells me he is SHOCKED at the state of my liver.

In a good way.

Says he can't believe I've been on Remicade for as long as I have, at the dosages that I have, and taken all the other drugs that I have, and have such a perfectly clean as a baby's liver.


Wonderful news!


I can actually go to a doctor, and there NOT BE A PROBLEM!



Blood Guy says he doesn't think I need B12, or Iron, or Calcium at this time.

He wants to 'wait and see'.

I am totally cool with that.

Loving Blood Guy.

Loving my TEAM!

My bowels are doing pretty good. (Thank you, Remicade).

My pain is being managed well. (Thank you, Dr. Pain).

My primary doctor is seeing me monthly and I have developed quite a nice relationship with him as well as his staff (Thank you, Dr. Primary).

I cannot complain right now.

Not this month.

There is a lot of emotional stress going on in my family and extended family right now, and Team Fallon definitely needs your prayers, but I have not seen this affect my Crohn's in any way, not so far anyhow.

(No, Billy Two Swords and I are not having problems -- everyone always assumes THAT!).

I will post more details about the prayer needs of my family later, when we get some more information, but suffice it to say, my dear, sweet, husband is going through the most difficult year of his life. And HE needs your prayers.

But thankfully, (that GOD guy again!) my health is stable enough at the moment that I am able to provide him with whatever he needs, whenever he needs it.

And to that, all I can say is:


Next Remicade treatment - 11/3.

Until then.........to God be the Glory!