Guilt?

So we have returned from our vacation of a lifetime.

It is 1127 am EASTERN time.

I woke up at 10 am EASTERN time.

Highly unusual, for those of you who know me In Real Life.

But then again, that would be 7 am PACIFIC time.

Anyway.

I can't get out of bed.

I hurt all over.

My knees are throbbing.

My guts are raging.

I am two weeks behind on Remicade (remember? TFG????)

And I am starting to feel it.

Remarkably, I had two bad days on the 35 day trip.

Personally, I consider that to be miraculous.

I used to be better at math, but 2/35 seems like a very small percentage to me, even though I can't do it in my head anymore.

So why is this post entitled guilt?

Well, for those of you who know me In Real Life, you know what a go-getter I am, how I never stop, how I suppress the unsuppressable, how I never quit, never say die, and just plain suck it up.

Right now, I am staring at dust.

and dog hair.

and filth.

and bags upon bags upon bags that need unpacking.

and a 4 foot high stack of mail.

and an empty refrigerator.

and two monsters who are bouncing off the walls because they can't discern the difference between exhaustion and insanity.

and a husband who is already up, doing errands, mowing the grass, making a million phone calls, laying out chicken to thaw for dinner and asking me, 'when are you going to publix because there is NOTHING to eat'.

and a list of school supplies that need to be purchased.

and thank you notes that must be written.

and thank you gifts that must be bought with money that doesn't exist.

and 3,000 pictures that need to be edited and cropped for the scrapbook of a lifetime that will commence being created on the first day of school (I'm not THAT crazy that I would start THAT project TODAY).

and 12 more blog posts to be written to get everyone caught up on our trip before every miniscule detail escapes my memory.

and business battles that need to be fought with lots and lots of energy and fortitude.

and enemies that must be faced and beaten.

and I continue to lie here.

and I think I am going to continue to lie here, today, for as long as I possibly can.

So back to my original question.

Should I feel guilty?

For lying here for one day?

For going to Publix in five or six hours, instead of right this minute?

For letting the monsters watch whatever they want to watch on television today, since they haven't watched tv in 35 days?

For letting the house 'go' for one more day?

When healthy people go on vacation, do they take 'one' day to recover?

Or do they wake up in the morning and jump right on it?

I know the answer.

I used to jump right on it.

I used to be healthy.