H1N1

Later today, the children have to get their H1N1 shots.

I say 'have to' because the doctors said it is best for their mother.

I have already had mine.

Billy has had his.

Now the little ones 'have' to have theirs.

I feel badly that the only reason they are getting these shots is because they have a sick mom.

Otherwise, I really don't think we'd get them the vaccine for it.

Not because we are anti-vaccinations, because we are not.

But IF IT WEREN'T FOR CROHNS, no one in this family would have gotten this vaccine, that we all know so little about, but are all lining up to receive.

I was told I didn't have a choice, and that it was in MY best interest that the children and husband got them too.

Huh.

MY BEST INTEREST.

Yeah, that sounds biblical.

That sounds like the behavior of a submissive wife and mother.

Hmmmmm.

I don't like the way that sounds.

And I damn sure don't like the way it makes me feel inside.

And I know it will make me feel even worse during the screaming that will take place in about 12 hours.

I fucking hate what I have to put my family through, day in, day out.

Sometimes it's just a matter of me laying in bed too much and missing out on something.

But this?

My kids have to get stabbed by needles because I have Crohn's Disease.

One of them will exclaim this tomorrow at the top of her lungs.

And she's right.

She's absolutely right.

But what the fuck am I to do about it?

"It's in YOUR best interest that your famiy is vaccinated."

I hate this.