I am home.
As I write this I am shaking like a leaf.
After 10 days in the hospital, I feel like an astronaut touching the earth for the first time since orbit.
I don't have much to say, really.
I can tell you what the doctors told me, and did.
I have a stricture (narrowing) in the area between my stomach and small intestine.
This causes me great pain, and my food takes eons to completely digest.
They cannot, or will not operate on this area.
I am not a surgeon.
But I was told by one that if I had this surgery, I would die.
Just like that.
That's what he said.
I think it is because of the risk of infection, and my already warped immune system that doesn't know how to behave.
That being said, I wasn't really given any choices.
I am now back on Remicade.
A drug that is infused into your body over a period of time, like chemotherapy.
A drug that consists of mouse antibodies.
A drug that my body chooses to attack and reject each and every time it is administered.
A drug that may ultimately kill me.
A drug that potentially may elongate my life.
So those are the facts.
Please don't ask me how I feel.
I haven't quite figured that out yet.