Perhaps

I think I know what dying feels like.

Lord, I pray that I am wrong.

Honestly, this is a pain like no other.

The only thing that takes away the raging pain in my stomach is images of the faces of the three most precious to me. I cannot bear the thought of being without them, them without me. I am so madly, deeply, passionately in love with my husband, my daughter, my son. They have given me the life once thought not possible. A life filled with laughter and joy. A happiness fulfilled. They are who I am. I am who they are. We are one. We wouldn't be the same if we were only three.

I have bragged in the past that I don't cry.

I am crying now.

I don't want to write my funeral instructions.

I don't want to hurt.

I don't want to see the pain of the faces who are watching me suffer.

I don't know how to bear this.

Heal me God.

Please.