Guns and Roses

~

Just happens to be my favorite rock group of all time.

Not that you care.

Sweet Child O Mine just so happens to be my favorite song of all time, and for those of you who have been unfortunate enough to work with me in a tight cubicle setting, you are painfully aware that it is the only ringtone I have ever had on my cell phone.

Not that you care.

But today,

today,

the song "patience" is ringing in my head with a vengeance that just will NOT stop.

"All we need is just a L I T T L E patience................"

Yeah.

I am NOT talking about ME!

I am talking about that infamous golden seed provider who just happens to be my spouse.

Dammit.

I'm sorry that I can't get off the couch.

I'm sorry that I can't stop throwing up.

I'm sorry that I am completely and utterly worthless to you now, and perhaps, for a really, really long time.

I'm sorry that this has happened.

I'm sorry that YOU are having to go through with this.

I'm so very sorry that YOUR world is completely spun upside down on its axis, and that your North Pole is now your South Pole.

I'm sorry that our marriage is such a ridiculous sham that you did not believe that this could in fact be a result of your golden seed.

I'm sorry that we are not picking out names and furniture and jumping for joy and calling all our friends and family and running hand in hand while doing the irish jig version of the we're off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of oz happy dance.

and yes.

yes.

yes.

absolutely.

I AM FUCKING SORRY THAT I AM PREGNANT!

There I said it.

NOW what do you want me to say, seed provider?

What?

What?

What?


There's a WHOLE lot more I would like to say, believe me.

But I'm supposed to be a loving, supportive, submissive wife.

I'm supposed to honor that golden seed provider at any and all junctures.

But if I'm supposed to be the gazelle of Michelle "I've had EIGHT THOUSAND BABIES AND I HAVE CARRIED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM AND I DON'T THINK I HAVE EVER SAID NO TO ANYONE ESPECIALLY MY OWN TRIPLE GOLDEN SEED PROVIDER HUSBAND IN MY ENTIRE LIFE" Duggar, and stare at him lovingly at all times and just joyfully exclaim, "IF GOD WANTS ME TO HAVE EIGHT THOUSAND BABIES, THEN BY FUCKING GOLLY I WILL CARRY THOSE EIGHT THOUSAND BABIES JOYFULLY! EVEN IF IT MEANS I WILL

DIE

DIE

DIE!",

well, sorry.

I just can't.

I guess I don't have the patience right now either.

This is so much bigger than me dudes.

SO bigger than me.

AND bigger than the golden seed provider.

AND bigger than the both of us together on a GOOD day, of which, there are not so many.