Slow Fade

As difficult as it is for me, I need to write this post. It is a testimony, and as your Christian sister, I am obligated to share those.

Thirty days ago, I thought I had lymphoma.

Two weeks ago, I thought I had a bowel obstruction and was going to need emergency surgery.

One week ago today, I thought I was going to die at my own hands. It was the only way I knew to stop the pain.

It is true. Much as I hate to say it, write it, think it, remember it. I thought about it. I cannot lie.

But God saved me.

Like always.

And here's how He did it.

One week ago today.

I was wandering through the house, a zombie, in horrible, intractable pain.

Popping pills every few minutes. Lots of pills. Any kind of pill. Anything to kill the pain.

Nothing worked.

Nothing took the pain away.

Nothing.

Nothing took the pain away.

I could not eat.

I could not sleep.

I could not think.

I could not talk.

I could not sit.

I could not lie down.

I can't even tell you what I COULD do.

I watched my dear, sweet husband watch me suffer. That provided even more angst.

I started to seriously worry about his mental state. How strong was he? Could we get through this?

At some point, the song "Slow Fade" from Casting Crowns crept into my head and stayed there.

For hours upon hours.

This is what pounded in my head, over and over and over and over again:

Daddies don't just crumble overnight.

It's a slow fade.

Families don't just crumble overnight.

It's a slow fade.

Finally, I grabbed my bible.

"Slow Fade" still pounding in my head

I read the entire book of Job.

I prayed through the entire book of Job

As I read, and prayed, and "Slow Fade" kept pounding, God spoke to me through it all.

I had to trust Him.

He had always been there before.

And He would be there again.

Somehow, this was all part of HIS plan.

It wasn't up to me to know how or why, it just WAS.

The "Slow Fade" pounding stopped.

And 48 hours later, I was pain free.

Be Still and Know That I Am God - Psalm 46:10